Ten Reminders for the Grieving Christian is out today, August 1. This is also the date of my dad’s death anniversary. And so this book birthday is in memoriam of my father, Paul Richards Fernandes.

In my life everything is now divided into before dad and after dad. Like BC and AD. Whenever I talk with my family, it’s always what life was before he died and then after. It was such a big loss that I can’t comprehend how I’ve come this far. Everyone knew my dad as Richard. He was the most vivacious man, with a perpetual smile and a naughty gleam in his eye.

He was the giant umbrella under which we all took shelter. And when he was gone, it was like losing a home, losing that shelter, that mantle of love. It still hurts. Yet, as I said in his eulogy, I know of God’s love because I experienced my father’s love. I can trust my father in heaven, because I could absolutely trust my father on earth.

The Book

I started writing soon after as a way of keeping myself tethered to Jesus. And I remember when I started, I hated everything. I was so lost until I went back to His word. I actually wrote an article about this that got published last week about how the Bible was my best book on grief.

I scribbled and wrote a few things but its been years since I could get clarity on my experience. Even last year, I tried to finish this book and was not ready. Somewhere in June and July of 2019, I struggled and couldn’t get through it without the deluge of tears. It was painful.

Come 2020, as I reflected on several personal losses, Adoration became my daily bread and my meditation strengthened me. Through Lent, I started to reflect and write. I streamlined, edited and proof-read the book. Still I had doubts. I reached out to an author friend Adele McgGill who was on our podcast and asked her to read my book. Was it worth it? Would it help people who like me were going through so much pain.

Ten Reminders For The Grieving Christian

The thing is I read every book on grief. I even compiled a list. That’s how far I went searching for answers. Where did I find them? In my Bible. And Peter’s words from John 6:68 echoed in my heart, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

Ten Reminders is not the best book on Grief, it simply points you to the one that is. Your Bible. Grief is a lonesome journey. It touches all of us and how we deal with it shapes our future. God has brought some of my greatest ministerial work and my Apostolate through my father’s death.

It doesn’t make things perfect. I still grapple with questions why me? Why him? Why, why, why? If, if, if? The truth is that the world is passing and all of us have to understand this world is a ship not our home. If you are grieving then I want you to know that you will never be the same again. The loss is always there. However, with Jesus what hurts today will hurt less tomorrow. And with Jesus there is life.

Dear Dad

I know you’re in heaven. And I wonder if you can see me. See my success in the small things. Are you proud? I wish there was more time. Even though I’ve said it many times, I wish I had said it more: how much I love you. Thank you for everything you did for us, for me. Thank you for fulfilling all our dreams by sacrificing your own. But most of all thank you for simply loving me…

Daddy I miss you!