Today marks ten years since my father, Paul Richard Fernandes, went home to the Lord.

Ten years.

Even writing those words feels surreal.

This morning, I attended Mass at St. Lucy’s Church as part of my continued search for a parish to call home. Sitting quietly before the Lord, I found myself reflecting on how much life has changed in the last decade.

When my father died, I could not imagine continuing to live without him. I didn’t know how I would ever move forward. I was, quite literally, on my knees before the cross, clinging to Jesus by the thinnest of threads. As I wrote in Ten Reminders for the Grieving Christian, my faith was fragile, and Christ was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

And yet, here I am.

Ten years later.

Looking back now, I can see what I could not see then. God was at work even in the deepest suffering. There truly is purpose in pain. There is growth in trials. The road has been long, but the Lord has been faithful every step of the way.

The Example of LOVE

If there is one gift my father left me, it was the example of how to love.

I said it at his eulogy, and I believe it even more today:

I know what God’s love is because I first experienced my father’s love.

If my earthly father could love me so completely, how much greater must the love of my Heavenly Father be?

I was—and still am—perfectly loved.

My father loved deeply. He never held back. He hugged us tightly, showered us with kisses, and said “I love you” more times than I can count. He never left us wondering where we stood in his heart.

Forgive easily

That love naturally led to another lesson: forgiveness.

My father forgave easily. He was always the first to make peace. If he was wrong, he apologized without pride. Whether it was in his marriage or work, he would let go. If someone hurt him, he chose to let go rather than carry bitterness. Love made forgiveness possible.

Be a Giver

He was generous.

Not just with money, but with his time, his attention, and his presence. Everyone knew that if they asked Richard for help, he would do everything he could to help them. He gave because that was simply who he was. I have realized that generosity is the fruit of the Spirit. It’s difficult to be generous. People are so exacting, and the world is full of give and take. My father was never like that. He gave even when it hurt. He knew what it was to ask and be turned down. So, when people asked, he always gave.

Someone You Can Count On

He was dependable.

I have never met another man as dependable as my father. If he gave his word, you never questioned whether he would keep it. He would walk through fire for the people he loved, even if it came at great personal cost. He would show up and keep his word.

A Good Friend

He was also a remarkable friend.

People sought his advice because he listened before he spoke. He valued other people’s opinions and made them feel heard. That kind of listening is a rare gift.

Always Joyful

My father was joyful.

He laughed often. He could find humor in almost anything. He was the life of every gathering, always smiling, always making others smile too. His joy was contagious. We had fun when we went for beach walks or on a long drive; he would tell us jokes and stories that had us laughing. Every day, he would come back from work and tell us about it. And now, when I look back at it, there was nothing funny about it; just the way he told it was hilarious. My dad was making memes before they were even a thing. In the pictures above, he has his flight ticket in his pocket. He’s at the airport, asking us to click pictures of him pulling a cart and dressed as a Maratha. He loved to do silly things like that. He could laugh at himself.

Be independent

He also taught us independence.

He showed us how to replace a light bulb, drill into a wall, fix plumbing, assemble furniture, and solve practical problems around the house. Today, every time I fix something myself, I smile because I know exactly where I learned it.

Never Complain

One lesson that has become even more meaningful with age was this: never complain.

My father experienced unimaginable injustices growing up and even later in life. Perhaps one day I will have the courage to write his biography, because his story deserves to be told. Yet despite everything he endured, he rarely complained about those who had wronged him.

Instead, he would simply say, “I can fix myself and my circumstances.”

And that’s exactly what he spent his life doing.

A Man of Prayer

He was also a man of deep prayer.

Every Wednesday he faithfully prayed the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Novena with his worn novena book. He taught us to abstain from meat on Wednesdays long before it became a personal devotion of mine. He brought us to Mass every week without fail and made sure we attended catechism, church activities, retreats, and every obligation of our faith. We often arrived early so we could get good seats.

Faith wasn’t simply something he believed.

It was how he lived.

Outstanding Work Ethic

Finally, my father taught me the value of hard work.

He worked incredibly hard—too hard, perhaps—almost every day of the year to provide for our family. Today, so much of what I have achieved is because of his sacrifices.

As I reflect on my life now, I realize that every milestone rests on the foundation he built.

Grieving a Parent

What hurts most is that he didn’t live to see any of my success.

He won’t see me become a super-specialist.

He never held my books in his hands, listened to my podcast, or watched the ministry God has entrusted to me grow.

He wasn’t there for my graduations or the dreams that have slowly become reality.

That is my greatest sorrow.

But it does not overshadow my gratitude.

I thank God for every year I was blessed to have him as my father. Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a wonderful dad.

Today, one of the greatest compliments I receive is when someone says, “You’re Richard’s daughter.”

I wear that title with immense pride.

My consolation is knowing that this separation is only temporary. One day, by God’s grace, I will see him again. Until then, I know he rests safely in the arms of Christ.

People often say grief gets easier.

I don’t think grief ever ends.

It changes.

Even after ten years, the questions still come. Could I have done something differently? Why couldn’t he have stayed longer?

But even when life doesn’t unfold the way we hope, God is still good.

Like Our Blessed Mother, we continue to pray:

“Be it done unto me according to Thy will.”

A Message to my Dad

If I could say one last thing to my dad today, it would simply be this:

Thank you.

I am who I am because of you—because of your sacrifices, your hard work, your faith, your example, and your unwavering love.

I miss you more than words can ever express.

I wish you could see my car and teach me how to parallel park. I wish you could hold my books, attend my graduations, celebrate the life God has given me, and dance another waltz with me.

But I know you’re waiting for me.

And until that joyful reunion, I will keep living the life you taught me to live—with faith, generosity, forgiveness, hard work, and love.

I love you, Dad.

Always.

May eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May the soul of Paul Richard Fernandes, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.