“God understands suicide.”
Ed Shoener
Who is Deacon Edward Shoener?
Ed Shoener was ordained a permanent deacon in 2004 and serves at St. Peter’s Cathedral in the Diocese of Scranton. Shoener is a founding member of the Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers and the Catholic Institute of Mental Health Ministry at the University of San Diego.
His daughter, Katie, died by suicide in 2016. Katie’s obituary went viral because it spoke to the needs and concerns of people who live with mental illness. Millions of people read it, and tens of thousands of people from across the world contacted Deacon Ed. Again and again, he heard from people who lamented that the Catholic Church offered little to minister to those suffering from mental illness and their loved ones. In response, Deacon Ed co-founded the International Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers.
The International Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers combats mental illness stigma by promoting compassion and understanding and has provided free resources to parishes worldwide and to individuals and families seeking support, education, and community. The Association now has over 7,000 members in over 75 countries
Deacon Ed, along with Bishop John Dolan, is co-author of the books Responding to Suicide: A Pastoral Handbook for Catholic Leaders and When a Loved One Dies by Suicide (Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, IN).
Breaking the Silence on Suicide
In this episode, I talk to Deacon Ed Shoener about suicide.
He explains:
-What makes grief after suicide different from other forms of loss, and what do you most want survivors to know early on?
-Many families and friends wrestle with “what if” questions and self-blame. How can people gently loosen the grip of guilt while still honoring their love for the person who die
-Silence and stigma often surround suicide, even within faith communities. What does healthy, faithful accompaniment look like when someone is grieving a death by suicide—and what responses, even well-intended ones, can be harmful?
-You emphasize that healing does not mean forgetting or “moving on.” How can survivors integrate this loss into their lives in a way that allows meaning, connection, and even moments of peace over time?
-For listeners who may be walking alongside someone grieving a suicide—or who are grieving themselves—what practices of presence, prayer, or professional support do you most strongly encourage, especially in the months after the initial shock fades?
A Conversation We Can’t Avoid:
In our latest podcast episode, we sit down with Deacon Ed Shoener for a deeply moving and honest conversation about loss, faith, and the urgent need for compassion in our communities.
Deacon Ed shares the story of losing his daughter, Katie, to suicide—a grief no parent should ever have to endure. Yet out of that heartbreak, he has chosen to speak, to serve, and to shine a light on mental health within the Church.
He challenges something many of us have seen but don’t always name: when tragedy strikes, especially suicide, people often don’t know what to say—so they say nothing at all. Families are left not only grieving, but isolated. Deacon Ed gently urges us to do better: don’t avoid them. Speak their loved one’s name. Show up. Sit with them in their pain.
One of the most powerful moments in our conversation is his reminder:
“Jesus wept for them far more than we ever could—because He loved them far more.”
This is the heart of the message—God’s compassion is deeper than our fear, our discomfort, or our uncertainty.
Deacon Ed also speaks about the Church’s growing understanding of suicide—not as a simple moral failing, but often as the result of profound suffering and clouded judgment. Many who survive suicide attempts, he notes, are grateful they did. That truth alone calls us to respond with urgency, tenderness, and hope.
What can we do about it?
What’s more, he doesn’t just speak—he acts. He is actively working to build mental health ministries within parishes, encouraging ordinary people to begin these conversations locally, creating spaces where no one has to suffer alone.
This episode is not easy—but it is necessary.
If you’ve ever wondered how to support someone grieving, how faith meets mental health, or how the Church can become a place of real refuge—this conversation is for you.
Listen now, and let’s become a people who choose presence over silence, compassion over discomfort, and hope over fear.
ENJOYED THIS PODCAST
You might also like our conversation on Forgiveness and St Maximilian Kolbe. And if this blessed you, please share the podcast with someone who needs it.